When most people hear the word family, the first thing that comes to mind is mum, dad, and the kids. It’s what we see in children’s drawings, storybooks, and those fridge magnet photo frames from Kmart.
But in real life – and especially in foster care – family is rarely that simple.
Some families look like Nan, Pop, and five cousins in a tiny house. Some look like Mum and her best friend, who’s more of an auntie than an actual aunt. Others include footy coaches, schoolteachers, godparents, stepsiblings, or mob from Country who knew you before you were born.
For children in out-of-home care, recognising and including these broader definitions of family isn’t just a nice idea. It’s essential for their healing, identity, and sense of belonging.
Family in CARE: A web of connections
The family involved principle of the CARE Framework reminds us that children thrive when the people who matter to them – not just their parents – remain part of their world. Family isn’t defined by legal documents or DNA alone; it’s built through connection, care, and the people who shape a child’s story.
Children who have experienced trauma or separation often see family as a web of relationships, not a single household. This web includes those who:
- Offered safety and stability during difficult times
- Passed on culture, language, or family stories
- Shared daily care or routines
- Provided love and emotional connection, even from a distance
These people don’t stop being important just because a child enters care.
Who counts as ‘family’ in a child’s world?
Extended Family
Grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins – sometimes even great-grandparents or adult siblings. A child who was raised more by Nan than Mum often carries that bond deeply.
Kin and Cultural Family
For Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children (and many other cultural or language groups), family extends far beyond the nuclear household. It includes clan groups, Elders, kinship networks, and Country – the spiritual and cultural ties that shape identity and belonging. This is not optional; it is foundational to who they are.
Significant Others
Often, the most important people in a child’s life are not related by blood. It might be:
- A neighbour who helped with breakfast when Mum couldn’t
- A youth worker who remembered their birthday
- A coach, teacher, or pastor who always made them feel seen
The CARE framework reminds us that these relationships are part of a child’s healing story. Where safe and appropriate, they should be included in care planning too.
Why this matters in foster care
When a child enters care, they don’t just leave their home. They often lose connection with the entire village that helped raise them.
This can mean:
- losing contact with siblings or cousins
- changing schools and missing familiar faces
- no longer attending family dinners at Nan and Pop’s
- feeling like their story is being rewritten without them.
This disconnection can leave children feeling unanchored, unseen, or forgotten. By including extended family, kin, and other significant people, we help children feel:
- Anchored: “I still belong to someone.”
- Seen: “People still remember me.”
- Respected: “My story hasn’t been erased.”
This isn’t just about sentimentality. It’s about supporting emotional regulation, attachment, cultural identity, and long-term mental health.
What it looks like in practice
1. Ask the right questions
Go beyond “Where are Mum and Dad?” Ask:
- Who else helped look after you?
- Who do you miss or think about?
- Who picked you up from school?
- Are there family friends, neighbours, or aunties you felt close to?
These questions help children recall the people who shaped their early life – even if they can’t name them precisely.
2. Keep doors open
If a child mentions someone with fondness, explore it.
- Could we send a photo or school update to that person through the caseworker?
- Would it be safe to reconnect with Nan or an older sibling?
Small acts of inclusion can become powerful lifelines.
3. Build a ‘life story network’
Help children see all the people who are part of their story. This could be:
- A family tree or cultural map
- A photo wall of “My People”
- A scrapbook or journal with chapters like “When I lived with Auntie Jude…”
These tools remind children that their life didn’t begin in care, and their identity isn’t limited to it.
4. Honour cultural kinship and connection
For Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children, cultural identity and kinship ties are paramount. This means:
- identifying family and kin through community networks
- connecting with cultural organisations and Elders
- honouring cultural traditions in daily care (not just on NAIDOC Week)
- valuing language, Country, and storytelling as part of healing.
Culture isn’t an ‘add-on.’ It’s a foundation.
5. Create safe, supported opportunities for reconnection
Where safe and approved, encourage children to reconnect through:
- letters, drawings, and photos
- phone or video calls
- supervised visits
- sharing artwork or school reports with significant people.
Even small acts of reconnection help children feel remembered and valued.
Final thoughts: family isn’t one shape
The family involved principle reminds us that healing happens in connection with the people who matter most to a child’s life and story.
If you’re a carer:
- be curious about the people behind the child’s story
- ask questions, even if the answers are complex
- remember: you’re not replacing family; you’re walking alongside it.
And if you’re part of a child’s world, whether you’re an old teacher, an auntie, or that coach who always knew their name, your presence still matters more than you might realise.
Because family isn’t just blood.
It’s memory.
It’s connection.
It’s the people who remind us we belong.
Together in care, we can ensure every child has a great day, every day.
Continue exploring the family involved series
This blog builds on the conversations we began in our first two family involved blogs. In “Why Families Matter in Foster Care (Even When It’s Hard),” we explored why maintaining safe and meaningful connections with family is vital for a child’s healing, identity, and long-term wellbeing. In “Honouring Families, Honouring Culture,” we expanded on this idea by examining how cultural humility and curiosity help us see family through a broader, more respectful lens.
If you haven’t already, we encourage you to revisit Blog One and Blog Two to explore these ideas further and reflect on how the family involved principle can come to life in everyday foster care practice. Together, these blogs remind us that when carers and professionals embrace all the relationships and cultural connections that shape a child’s life, we give them the greatest gift of all – a sense of belonging and wholeness.
Reflective questions for carers and staff
- How do I currently identify and acknowledge the people who matter most in a child’s life beyond their immediate family? Are there voices or relationships I might be overlooking?
- When I think about ‘family’, am I using my own cultural lens or listening to the child’s definition?
- What steps have I taken to include siblings, extended family, or significant adults in a child’s journey – even if they are not part of the household?
- How do I ensure a child’s life story, memories, and connections are celebrated and not erased when they enter care?
- Am I open to involving cultural or kinship networks – such as Elders, community leaders, or cultural groups – in planning and decision-making for a child?
- What practical actions could I take this week to strengthen or maintain safe connections with a child’s significant people? Could I send a school update, arrange a call, or share artwork?
- How do I talk about a child’s family with them? Am I using language that is respectful, strengths-based, and empathetic?
- What barriers might prevent family and cultural connections, and how can I advocate to overcome them?
- How am I helping the child understand that they are part of a bigger story – with roots, relationships, and history beyond their time in care?
- What have I learned about the importance of broader family connections from my own experiences of support and belonging?
