Caring for children who’ve been through hard stuff isn’t always rainbows and warm fuzzies. There are moments (maybe whole weeks!) when it’s exhausting, confusing, and just plain hard. But there’s one thing that cuts through the noise every time, one thing that matters more than behaviour charts, parenting strategies, or therapeutic plans:
Every child needs at least one adult who is absolutely, unapologetically, head-over-heels crazy about them.
Not just tolerating them. Not just managing them. Not just “doing their best”.
We’re talking about genuinely seeing them, delighting in who they are, and letting them know, over and over again – “You are amazing, just as you are, and I’m so lucky to be your grown-up.”
Sound a little over the top? That’s kind of the point.
In our last blog, we talked about the competency centred principle from the CARE model, and how creating structure, clear rules, and high expectations can give children a sense of safety and direction. We explored how children thrive when the adults around them set limits with kindness, offer do-overs, and build their sense of mastery over time.
This blog is all about the other side of that same coin. Because structure and expectations don’t work well on their own. They only land, they only matter, if the child knows they are deeply loved and delighted in by someone who believes in them.
Let’s talk about relationships (like, real ones)
The CARE model (which we’re big fans of!) is grounded in six principles that are all about building healing environments for children who’ve experienced trauma, grief, or major upheaval in their lives.
One of the core messages that runs through all six principles, but especially the relationship-based and competency-centred principles, is this: children grow and heal best in the context of strong, warm, consistent adult relationships.
And not just any relationships; we’re talking about the kind where children feel safe, known, and loved.
Because here’s the thing: when a child knows you’re crazy about them, they start to believe that maybe … just maybe … they’re worth being loved.
That’s huge. That’s healing.
Being “crazy about” a child doesn’t mean you let them do whatever they want. It doesn’t mean ignoring tough behaviour or skipping boundaries. In fact, in our last blog, we talked about how clear expectations help children feel secure, especially when those expectations are wrapped in empathy and second chances.
This blog is about the heartbeat underneath all of that: relationship-first parenting. It’s about being a child’s biggest fan, even when they’re at their hardest.
This short video from Josh Shipp offers a heartfelt reminder of the profound impact just one caring adult can have on a child’s life.
What does “crazy about them” actually look like?
You might be thinking, okay, sounds nice… but what does this actually mean in real life?
Let’s get into it.
Here are some simple ways adults show a child that they’re absolutely smitten – no matter what kind of day they’re having.
1. You light up when they walk into the room
This one is so simple, but so powerful. When your eyes say, “There you are! I’m so happy to see you,” it sends a clear message: You matter.
2. You notice the little things
“Hey, you wore your favourite jumper today!” or “You always remember to feed the dog – thank you.” These tiny moments of noticing build trust. They say, I see you.
3. You delight in their weirdness
Every child has their quirks. Maybe they’re obsessed with dinosaurs or tell terrible knock-knock jokes. Lean into it! Say, “I love how your brain works” or “That’s such a you thing – I love it.”
4. You forgive easily and repair quickly
When things go pear-shaped (and they will), being crazy about a child means you don’t hold grudges. You model, “We make mistakes, we fix them, and we move on.”
5. You speak about them with pride – especially when they’re not there
Children often overhear more than we think. When they catch you saying something kind about them to someone else? That sticks. That matters.
The science backs this up, too
We could fill a whole bookshelf with research on the importance of secure attachment. But here’s the gist:
Children do better in every single area of life when they have at least one adult who:
- is consistently there
- responds to their needs
- delights in who they are
- believes in their potential
Psychologists call it a “secure base”. Children call it “my person”. We just call it love in action.
And here’s how it links back to our conversation about competency-centred: when kids feel safe in their relationships, they’re more open to feedback. They’re more willing to try new things, make mistakes, and bounce back. In other words, they can start learning and growing in meaningful ways.
But what if they push you away?
This is super common, especially for children who’ve been let down before.
They might say “I don’t care” when they really do.
They might test your love by acting out or shutting down.
They might reject your affection because it feels safer to stay distant.
It’s not personal – it’s protective.
And this is where being “crazy about them” becomes more than a feeling – it becomes a practice. It means you keep showing up with consistency, even when it’s hard. You say (with your actions), “You can’t scare me away. I’m still here.”
This is what builds trust. And once trust is there, you can start to shape their world with clear boundaries, predictable routines, and the kind of rules that help them grow, just like we talked about in the blog “Helping children grow their superpowers: What competency centred care really means”.
Really though, you don’t have to be perfect
Here’s the good news: children don’t need us to be perfect. They just need us to be present, consistent, and emotionally available.
You don’t have to always say the right thing. You don’t have to always stay calm (though it helps!). You don’t even have to fully understand what your child is going through.
You just have to care – out loud and often.
Being “crazy about” a child means they can mess up without losing you. It means they can take risks, grow, and explore, knowing there’s always someone cheering them on from the sidelines.
And it means, when they fall down or fall apart, they’ve got a soft place to land and someone who believes they can get back up again.
What happens when a kid really feels loved?
This is where the real transformation happens. When a child knows – deep in their bones – that there’s someone in their corner no matter what, everything shifts.
- they take more healthy risks
- they recover from mistakes faster
- they treat others more kindly
- they begin to regulate their emotions in healthier ways
- they develop stronger self-worth
And, maybe most beautifully, they start to believe: “I’m lovable. I’m worth sticking around for.”
That belief doesn’t just help them succeed in school or settle better in a placement. It changes how they see themselves and what they expect from relationships for the rest of their lives.
Final thought: be their big fan
If you take nothing else away from this blog, or the last one, let it be this:
Every child deserves someone who sees the best in them and isn’t afraid to show it.
The CARE model reminds us that structure and predictability help children grow, but it’s love, joy, and delight that help them heal. You don’t have to be the most experienced carer. You don’t have to get it right every time. But, if you can be that one person who is absolutely, wildly, no-holds-barred crazy about them, you’ll be giving them a gift that can’t be measured.
So go ahead – cheer them on, brag about them to your friends, dance like a goof in the kitchen with them, tell them how much you love having them around.
Be the adult who makes their face light up just by walking into the room.
Because that’s where healing begins.
Together in care, we can ensure every child has a great day, every day.
If you’d like to learn more about the CARE Framework, and how it can help you form stronger relationships with the young people in your life, download our resources or check out our upcoming training sessions. You can also contact our Foster Care team for more information.
Reflective Questions for Carers and Professionals:
Take a moment to reflect on these questions and consider how your daily interactions can help every child in your care feel truly valued, believed in, and celebrated – because every child deserves a raving fan.
- When was the last time I celebrated their unique strengths or successes, big or small?
- Do my words or actions consistently communicate that I believe in them, even on tough days?
- What barriers might be getting in the way of me being their biggest supporter right now – and how can I address them?
- How do I respond when they struggle – do I focus on what’s wrong or remind them of their strengths and potential?
- What’s one thing I can do this week to show them I am “crazy about them” in a way that matters to them?
Missed the first blog?
Check out “Helping Children Grow Their Superpowers: What Competency Centred Care Really Means” to see how the competency-centred principle from CARE can help children thrive when the adults around them set kind, clear boundaries rooted in love.
And as always: if you’ve got a story to share or a moment that melted your heart, we’d love to hear from you. Your connection could be the spark that helps another carer, caseworker, or family member to keep going.
Reference:
Holden M.J et al. (2020) Therapeutic Crisis Intervention 7th Edition, Residential Childcare Project, Cornell University
Holden, Martha J, 2023, CARE: Creating Conditions for Change Edition 3, Residential Child Care Project Cornell University Family Life Development Centre Ithaca NY Child Welfare League of America.
