The Power of Trusting Relationships in Care

Fostering Developmental Growth: The Power of Trusting Relationships in Care

Have you ever tried to help a young person who doesn’t trust you?

It’s like trying to climb a mountain without any gear; it’s tough, slow, and full of obstacles. That’s because, for many young people in foster care, trust isn’t something that comes easily. They’ve been let down, moved around, and often left feeling like they have to rely only on themselves. And yet, as the CARE framework reminds us, “We begin by building attachments and relationships. Until we help build trust, there isn’t much else we can do.”

So, how do we do that? How do we earn trust from young people who’ve learned to guard themselves against disappointment?

And, more importantly, how do we use that trust to help them develop self-efficacy– that is, the belief that they have the power to shape their own future?

Let’s dig into it.

Why young people in care have unique challenges

Young people in foster care aren’t just navigating the usual ups and downs of adolescence; they’re doing it while carrying the weight of past experiences that may include trauma, loss, and instability. They’ve often had to grow up fast, making their own survival the priority rather than focusing on typical teenage development.

Some common challenges include:

• Difficulty trusting adults: Many have experienced broken relationships with caregivers, making them hesitant to rely on new people.
• Feeling powerless: After years of decisions being made for them, they may struggle to believe they have control over their own lives.
• Emotional and behavioural regulation struggles: Unprocessed trauma can make it harder to manage emotions and responses to stress.
• A fear of rejection: They may push people away before they can be hurt again.

Despite the challenges young people may face, positive and supportive relationships within a nurturing environment can create powerful change. These relationships enable young people to re-engage with typical developmental processes and foster resilience. To thrive, young people need access to everyday opportunities for growth, learning, and meaningful contribution. A nurturing environment is built through consistent care, supportive relationships, high-expectation messages, and opportunities for participation and contribution, helping young people build hope for the future.

Building trust: it’s all about showing up (consistently)

Trust doesn’t come instantly, especially for young people in care who may have experienced disruptions in relationships and safety. From a developmentally-focused lens, building trust means showing up in ways that are reliable, consistent, and attuned to where a young person is at in their growth. Young people thrive when the adults around them are predictable, emotionally available, and meet their needs in ways that match their developmental stage. Building trust starts with small, repeated moments that say:

 I’m here, I see you, and you matter.

Patterns of behaviour that can help to demonstrate that you are here, you see the young person and that they matter can include:

1. Being consistent

Young people in care have likely experienced instability. One of the best ways to build trust is by proving, repeatedly, that you’re not going anywhere.

• Try this: Show up when you say you will, keep your promises, and be patient when they test boundaries.
• Why it helps: Consistency sends the message that you’re reliable, something they may not have experienced before.

2. Listening without judgment

Young people need to feel heard. If they open up, even a little, resist the urge to correct them or jump in with advice. Just listen.

• Try this: Ask open-ended questions, validate their feelings, and resist the urge to “fix” everything for them.
• Why it helps: When they feel truly heard, they’re more likely to keep opening up.

3. Letting them have some control

Foster care often means having little say in important life decisions. Giving young people some level of control, even in small ways, helps rebuild their sense of agency.

• Try this: Let them choose what to eat for dinner, what activity to do together, or how they want to communicate.
• Why it helps: Decision-making opportunities reinforce their ability to shape their own lives.

4. Meeting them where they are

Some young people might be closed off at first, while others might be angry or rebellious. Instead of trying to “correct” their behaviour, try to understand where it’s coming from.

• Try this: If they don’t want to talk, try doing an activity together (playing a game, watching a show, going for a drive – sometimes side-by-side conversations feel safer than face-to-face ones).
• Why it helps: Meeting them in their comfort zone builds a foundation for deeper conversations later on.

Building self-efficacy by meeting developmental needs through connection

Once trust starts to grow, the next step is helping young people believe in themselves. Self-efficacy is the belief that they have the power to succeed, it is critical for their long-term well-being.

1. Encourage small wins and celebrate growth

Many young people in care have heard more about what they “can’t” do than what they can do. Finding ways to highlight their strengths is key.

• Try this: Set small, achievable goals together, whether it’s applying for a part-time job, completing a project, or learning a new skill.
• Why it helps: Every success builds confidence and a sense of control over their future.

2. Help them navigate challenges (without taking over)

It’s tempting to step in and solve problems, but young people need to learn they’re capable of handling challenges on their own.

• Try this: When they hit a roadblock, ask, “What do you think would help?” rather than jumping in with a solution.
• Why it helps: Guiding them through problem-solving reinforces their ability to overcome obstacles.

3. Celebrate effort, not just outcomes

Success isn’t always about getting it right the first time. Praising effort helps young people develop resilience.

• Try this: Say things like, “I saw how hard you worked on that” or “I know that was tough, but you didn’t give up.”
• Why it helps: When they know effort is valued, they’re more willing to keep trying, even when things don’t go perfectly.

4. Introduce role models who’ve been there

Seeing someone who’s been through similar struggles and come out strong can be incredibly powerful.

• Try this: Connect them with mentors, support groups, or stories of people who’ve faced challenges and succeeded.
• Why it helps: Real-life examples make self-efficacy feel more attainable.

5. Use high-expectation messages

Setting expectations helps create predictability and a sense of safety for young people. However, expectations must also be communicated in a way that conveys belief in their abilities and potential for success. When young people feel that the adults in their lives see them as capable, they are more likely to develop confidence and resilience.

• Try this: When setting expectations, use positive and encouraging language, such as “I know you can handle this” instead of “You better not mess this up,” while also breaking tasks into manageable steps, offering support rather than assuming failure, and acknowledging progress and effort, not just the outcome.
• Why it helps: Using high-expectation messages reinforces a sense of self-worth and capability, encourages a growth mindset by helping young people learn from challenges rather than feeling discouraged, and builds trust and motivation by showing that adults believe in them and will support their success.

Final thoughts

At the heart of it all, is relationships. Relationships are the foundation for healthy development and meaningful change. Young people in foster care need consistent, caring adults who understand that trust develops over time, especially when past experiences have made it hard to feel safe. By showing up in predictable ways, offering choices, listening without judgment, and recognising where a young person is at developmentally, we help them feel seen, heard, and valued.

When a young person feels safe and connected, it opens the door to self-belief and growth. From here, they can begin to explore, take positive risks, and build the skills they need to shape their own future.

Trust comes first. A sense of safety and belonging follows—and from there…development, healing, and possibility.

Together in care, we can ensure every child has a great day, every day.